


The Hospital on Adeline Avenue

by Miss_Misery



Series: the rest of forever [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kid Fic, POV Multiple, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, TUA as a pseudo-military co-ed boarding school, Talk Shows, that being an unwanted kiss, the kids are pretty messed up but they're all trying their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27574009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Misery/pseuds/Miss_Misery
Summary: Only a month after his great return to the infamous Umbrella Academy, Number Five’s already made national headlines again: he broke an overzealous fan’s nose on live television after she kissed him without his consent.Part of a series set in an AU where Five comes home after two years in the wasteland.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: the rest of forever [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002954
Comments: 47
Kudos: 182





	1. Luther

**Author's Note:**

> This will have one chapter for each sibling, for their perspective of events. This fic does deal with a random fan kissing Five without consent so if that makes you super uncomfortable then please feel free to not read it! It's not described in any detail and is extremely brief (he punches her in the nose immediately) but it is there.
> 
> Reminder that it's part of a series and you should probably read the other works first if you want this to make sense. There's not too many, and they're really good I promise lol so read them first for context.
> 
> Please remember that this series is also Five x Vanya (in childhood). Everyone is 15 so Ben is still alive! Argh and I'm trying to stick with the theme of place names as my titles. Just wanna clarify that the 'Adeline Avenue hospital' is a completely random name lmao i couldn't be bothered to actually research anything but like. who cares
> 
> Also I love Luther so much guys. it makes me so sad when people hate on him. he's just monkey guys!! He is just monkey.

Luther thinks, as he gawks - frozen in place - at the screaming girl crumpled on the asphalt in front of him, that maybe he had forgotten just how violent Five’s temper really is.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say, which could be why over the two years the other boy was gone, Luther’s mind has glossed over some of the worst memories of his teammate and his rage, replacing them with nicer, more sanitary ones.

This is a pretty good reminder.

“Oh my _fucking_ God, Five,” Diego shouts, over the ear-shattering roaring of the crowd around them, “why did you _do_ that?”

Number Five doesn’t answer, as like Luther, he seems rooted in place. A kind of cold rage is burned onto his face, eyes darkened, fists tightened at his sides. Luther can’t really tell from where he is standing, but he thinks his teammate might be literally quaking from anger, and his whole body is tensed up as if in the midst of battle.

The girl is still screeching, and Luther feels himself become so stressed that he can almost hear the blood rushing in his body. He wasn’t trained for _this._ But he has do – something.

You can’t just _hit_ a civilian. You – don’t. You don’t do that. Why did Five _do that_?

Luther knows that he should be doing something – he is their leader, after all. But the girl on the ground – a lanky, normal-looking teenage girl – won’t stop screaming, and everyone is yelling at them, and Allison looks so confused, and Ben is seriously _scared_ , scared of what the crowd will do now, and he can’t move. Klaus, somewhere to his left, laughs wildly, the sharp sound reaching Luther even over the noise of the mob.

Where is Sir Reginald? Surely he would have seen what happened? There are about twenty cameras trained on them, it seems, each one an inky black eyeball staring into Luther’s soul, pressuring him to move, _do_ something, _say_ something. The sun feels hot on his face. The domino mask is making it kind of hard to properly see where Sir might be. His gaze catches, instead, on the ridiculous yellow piece of paper the girl had been holding, which now lies discarded on the ground, crushed under one of her feet. It has a hand-drawn picture of an umbrella inside a heart on it.

Allison is yelling, “Hey! Hey!” To whom?

He finally breaks out of whatever trance he was under when people start to cross over the fence, still yelling. He snaps out of it, he has to – he backs away, pushing Allison behind him protectively. He notices, feeling a rare surge of approval, that Diego is mirroring him, moving to stand defensively in front of Ben and Klaus. He thinks Diego catches his eye; he nods, hoping his fear isn’t too obvious. God, _where_ is Sir Hargreeves? Where _is_ he?

“Please calm down,” he tries to say, and his voice is weak. Too weak, like always. He attempts it again, raising his hands in what Grace taught him is a placating gesture. “Okay, everybody just—"

Five doesn’t move, still, unaffected. He just clenches and unclenches his fists, teeth gritted. The girl finally stands, helped up by a civilian – it occurs to Luther belatedly that he probably should have done that before. She is crying, and her whole face is covered in blood and snot, the front of her shirt stained pink. “What the hell!” She wails, hand over her shattered nose. “What the _hell_?”

“Luther!” Someone, maybe Diego, shouts. But Luther isn’t built for this, and he just stands there.

“A member of the Umbrella Academy just assaulted a girl!” A reporter screams into a microphone, and she is far to close for comfort – he flinches away. Somehow her shrill voice is way more threatening than that of any gruff criminal he beat today. “It’s unclear how severely – paramedics have been called – this is – this was completely unprompted—”

_Unprompted?_ Luther looks at Five again.

His teammate now has his hands – one of which is bloody – stuffed into his pockets, and his face is tilted to the sky, completely ignoring the accusations being spat at him from all sides by the crowd.

He looks tired.

Luther grimly decides to hold that thought, as he and Diego edge closer, Allison huddled up against his back. They’ve never been yelled at like this by a horde before. As long as he stands in front, it will be okay. He just has to shield the others until Reginald gets there.

He will fix everything, he’ll show everyone it was just a mistake, a misunderstanding.

Yes, Sir will know what to do. He always does.

Luther tells himself that, and as the crowd pushes closer, spitting, yelling, he takes Allison’s hand and holds it, and closes his eyes behind the mask because no one will see.


	2. Diego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego's perspective of the events that immediately follow what happened last chapter. Featuring: arguing, discussions about consent, and of course, Five and Vanya being cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if diego comes across as a bit too mean here, I just feel like he would be really filled with rage as a child u know? i love him though and he's not really mean on purpose. he's like... my fourth favourite umbrella child. After vanya, five and luther. and I also know that this chapter is like twice as long as the last one and i have no explanation soz everybody

Diego is _mad_. No; he’s _furious_. Five only just came back and he’s already fucking things up for the Academy. Yeah, he’s glad his missing teammate turned out to be alive or whatever, but – they were fine before.

But everyone was _sooo_ relieved to have him back, and Five was _sooo_ cool about it like it wasn’t any big deal. And Diego had _finally_ really felt like he was proving himself to Reginald, stepping up the leadership roles on their missions and more, and then Five just _waltzes_ back into their lives like nothing’s changed at all and Reginald just accepts it? Well, newsflash asshole, things _have_ changed.

He glowers at his teammate from where he stands as they line up like cattle in the cold foyer. Reginald looked really mad, and told them to _wait here_ and stormed off. Grace and Pogo had followed, and Diego doesn’t even know if they saw what happened.

They probably did. The whole _world_ probably did.

The car ride had been utter _hell._

Will Grace be disappointed in them?

He hopes Five can feel his glare – God, what he’d give to have laser vision right about now. The smug bastard stands with his hands still in his pockets, looking at the ground. He hasn’t said a word since he punched that girl in the face, which is kinda weird for him. Five is _rarely_ quiet, which is a wild shame in Diego’s opinion.

As Diego watches angrily, Klaus is chatting to Five in a low voice, obviously half-heartedly trying to cheer him up or something. Ben, too, on the boy’s other side, is talking reassuringly, but Five is impassive. What a jerk.

Just then, Klaus reaches out to put his hand on Five’s shoulder, and Five jolts back so violently that it looks like he’s been electrocuted. Klaus says, “Woah—”

“Don’t _touch_ me,” Number Five hisses, face pinched.

“Jesus Christ, dude, calm down,” Diego snaps. He can’t help himself. “Can you chill out for like five seconds?”

“Don’t _you_ try and lecture me about _chilling out_ , Number Two,” Five spits.

“I’ll lecture you about w-wh-whatever the hell I want,” Diego says back angrily, feeling his face become hot. Damn, _shit_. Stupid fucking stutter. “Immature asshole.”

“Oh, because you think _you’re_ some great authority on being mature, Diego?” Five says, and he doesn’t look angry enough. He looks malicious, sure, and like he’s happy to be cruel, but he doesn’t care. He’s not invested. And it boils Diego’s blood. “You _pathetic_ wanna-be excuse for a—"

Anger courses through him, and he reflexively pulls out a knife. Allison, always thinking she’s better than them just like Five does, rolls her eyes, and Luther shifts uneasily, but Diego doesn’t care. Allison says, “Okay, can everyone please calm down—"

“Ever since you got back you’ve been acting so high-and-mighty; you think you’re _so_ great—”

“I don’t _think_ I am, I _know_ —”

“Then why’d it take you two years, huh?”

Five’s face twists, and Diego feels triumphant. “You pea-brain have _no fucking_ _idea_ what I had to—"

Ben is shrinking back, and Klaus laughs nervously. Luther says, “Okay guys, I think we all—"

“And I don’t care!” Diego lies, his face hot and teeth gritted. It feels good to fight with someone other than Luther. Feels good to see Five’s cool façade finally crack. “We were doing just fine without you. We didn’t _need_ you.”

Five laughs hollowly, canines flashing. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

He wants to punch that stupid expression off Five’s face so badly. “No one even missed you! You should have just _stayed_ there.”

Allison yells, “ _Diego_!”

In the silence that follows, something in Five’s expression crumples, and for a second, real pain flashes in his eyes. It’s gone in a blink, but cold regret floods Diego’s body. Why – why did he say that, again? Ben, aghast, says in a gentle voice, “Five, that’s not true,” but Five is looking away, tense, his face closed-off.

“Fuck you,” he grits out.

Diego exhales. “Man, look—”

“Everyone shut up, Reginald’s coming,” Luther says furiously, and Diego finds himself standing straighter despite himself. He hates Sir, but – he doesn’t want his anger directed at him. Not today. He looked irate, before. They all slip into familiar frightened silence instinctively, not looking at each other, hands balled into fists behind their backs. Little soldiers in a row.

However, the figure that rounds the corner into the foyer is not Reginald, but rather timid little Number Seven. He scowls, and slouches again.

Looking around hesitantly, Vanya says, “Guys? Are you all okay? Pogo said something happened but no one will tell me what.”

“Drama,” Klaus says, chittering, slightly strained. “Lots of drama. No one’s injured; physically, at least.”

Her eyes, dark and serious, drift over each one of them and stop on Five, who hasn’t looked up. “Oh,” she says sadly, small. She walks silently over to him and examines him closely. Diego doesn’t know why she bothers. She looks at Ben questioningly.

“There was – an incident. After the mission,” Ben explains slowly, quietly. “There was a crowd of fans so we were giving out some autographs and stuff, when this one girl launched herself over the fence. It all happened so fast.”

“She attacked you?” Vanya exclaims, eyes wide. Ben shakes his head.

“No, she… she _kissed_ Five. On the mouth.”

Vanya’s expression flickers into many different emotions; anger, discomfort, sadness – finally settling on understanding. “I see.” Five hunches further into himself, and Diego feels slightly guilty about what he said. He shoves that down. “And…?”

“And Five broke her fucking nose,” he says, ignoring the brief flicker of amusement in Vanya’s face and crossing his arms. “He completely overreacted and now we’re all gonna be in so much trouble. Not to mention what the news will say about us.”

“That’s not an overreaction,” Vanya disagrees softly, and looks at Five with a stupidly tender expression.

Her hands lift from her sides and Diego realises too late what is about to happen – Klaus opens his mouth, panicked, but he’s not quick enough to warn her, and she places one hand on Five’s shoulder and one on his cheek.

And Five – doesn’t flinch.

He doesn’t even grimace.

Mister ‘ _don’t touch me’_ just lets Vanya put her hands on him – on his _face_ , even, which for anyone else would certainly mean getting their hand _bitten_ off – without complaint. Vanya tilts his head up, gently brushes his hair back, adjusts his collar, fixes his tie – and Five just _lets_ her, finally raising his eyes to meet hers, jaw tight.

Diego isn’t completely sure, but he thinks Five might even be leaning into the touch, an expression dangerously close to relief flowing into his eyes.

At her quiet urging, Five reluctantly pulls his hands out of his pockets, showing her his bloodied hand and quickly-bruising knuckles. She tuts, like Mom – Grace, he corrects – often does, turning them over, taking out a handkerchief from her pocket and cleaning up some of the not fully dried blood. She must have learnt it from Grace.

Five watches her and doesn’t say anything, and the Academy members all watch Five, each with an equally flabbergasted expression. Diego makes eye contact with Klaus, whose mouth is open, and with Allison, who is smiling.

Diego knew, vaguely, that Five and Vanya were ‘best friends.’ But _seeing_ it like this – this blatant favouritism, Five’s complete and utter acceptance and fondness for her, it’s – it’s weird. It’s so strange. This is Five, the same boy who just punched a girl for kissing him, letting Vanya put her hands on his face and looking disturbingly content about it.

It’s too weird, he can’t take it. Everyone is still glaring at him for what he said to Five, but it’s not like he really meant it. He was just angry. They should know that. He tries to ease the awkwardness by grumbling, “Well I just don’t see the big deal.”

“You’re such a caveman, Diego,” Allison snaps.

Ben, usually so quiet in these kinds of moments, also chimes in with a frown. “It’s about consent.”

“So what, a pretty girl kissed him? Wow. That’s hardly a crime.”

“It is a crime, actually, if someone kisses you when you don’t want them to. It’s assault,” Ben replies, and Allison nods primly, clearly pissed at him. “How would you feel if Luther kissed you?”

“What?” He says, feeling ridiculous. “That’s completely different.”

“No, it’s not. You don’t want him to, right?”

Diego rolls his eyes, and Luther makes a grossed-out face. “Okay, no, I _don’t_ want to kiss Luther.”

“So,” Allison emphasises, exasperated, “Five didn’t want that girl kissing him either.”

Diego is feeling a little bit confused and overwhelmed. He doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t really understand. Because Luther is like, his rival, but the person who kissed Five was fan. So, it’s different, to him. But Ben has his brow furrowed and Allison is looking at him like he’s expected to understand, when he doesn’t. So he just scowls again and lets out a surly, “Yeah, okay, whatever.”

Allison looks away, and he turns his attention back to Five and Vanya. Not like everyone else is trying to hide the fact they’re all staring too. It’s so unnatural seeing Five just – relaxed.

“Sorry,” Five mutters to Seven under his breath, which, okay, has Five _ever_ apologized to any of them before? _Ever_?

She shakes her head fondly, still fiddling with his jacket like she doesn’t know where to put her hands and refuses to let go of him. “Don’t apologise. Though give the _next_ girl who tries to kiss you a heads-up before you break her nose, okay?”

Vanya has a very uncharacteristic smirk on, that actually looks closer to Five’s snarky smile, and the two of them share a kind of inside-joke moment that Diego doesn’t get. It makes him uncomfortable, the idea of Five having an inside joke with someone. Is that a weird thing to think?

“I wonder if that girl will get into trouble.” Luther ponders aloud.

“I mean there must have been someone who caught her on camera,” Allison says. “So hopefully the media won’t just turn this into a story about Five punching someone…”

They all wince. The media can be unkind sometimes, as they all know.

“What kind of trouble could she get into anyway?” Diego asks, trying not to seem dumb.

“Well, it depends how old she is,” Ben answers. “Because really, kissing someone without consent, even if they are a celebrity,” Five pulls a face at the word choice and Vanya laughs, “is still assault, yeah. But I doubt she’d face legal action if she’s just some kid.”

Klaus laughs. “I’d say Five’s knuckle sandwich might’ve taught her a pretty good lesson.”

“Huh,” Diego says. He is beginning to get it. Five has always hated being touched, and ever since he got back it seems to be much worse. He guesses it’s because of the wasteland or whatever, where there weren’t any other people, so it kinda makes sense for him to be jumpy around… around everyone except Seven, apparently, he thinks, watching with narrowed eyes at the two of them still standing close.

He just can’t believe what he’s seeing. Five’s posture has completely melted, not a trace of that panicked tension seizing his body like it was before. He’s even _smiling_ at something Vanya is murmuring to him, and Diego doesn’t think Five has smiled that way ever. Or at least since he got back.

But Diego’s still thinking about the _crunch_ noise that girl’s face had made when Five had slammed his fist into her nose. The screeching noise that came out of her mouth, and the _blood_ … Was that not an overreaction? Diego still wouldn’t have _punched_ her if it was him.

Well, maybe if it was a boy… and if it was an adult he definitely would have.

Or if some creepy guy kissed Allison… He would have beat him up no questions asked. Not that Allison couldn’t have kicked his ass herself, of course.

“Okay, I get it now,” he says to her. “I get what you meant. Consent and stuff.”

“You do?” She says, sounding kinda – proud, or something. “You’re not mad at him? You were a huge asshole.”

“I’m still mad at him,” Diego says gruffly. “Because Reginald’s probably gonna punish us for months if we get bad press. But I get why he punched her. And I shouldn’t have said that dumb stuff.”

“You should apologise later then, caveman,” she says, but not in a mean way.


	3. Allison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison's POV! Also we get to see Reginald :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I'm making Allison ooc... she probably wouldn't have been this... nice? I think she would have been a lot nastier as a kid actually (don't get me wrong, i love her, but...) eh. Also writing Reginald's dialogue is so fun haha I can hear his voice so clearly
> 
> I have all the chapters written, they just need editing, so I might post Klaus' today if I remember!
> 
> Fun fact about me is that I'm currently trying to watch the show Utopia (the British one from 2013) and oh my god I'm too much of a wimp, it's so good but ahhhhhh the violence is like, so hard to watch. I can barely handle the freaking umbrella academy sometimes and TUA isn't even that violent so idk if I'll manage with Utopia ^^""

Allison cringes when the screen plays the gory scene again, for what must be the millionth time. Reginald has gotten his hands on the tape of the news show that had caught the event live, and he’s making them watch the segment over and over. It’s unclear, to her, what the lesson is supposed to be. _Don’t stand up for yourself?_ She resists the urge to scoff.

She’s glad Five punched that girl. God, she’s had her own fair share of creepy fans over the years, and she totally gets it. She hadn’t seen the actual kiss – she was signing someone’s shirt, so she was quite confused – but she’d heard the _crack_ when Five hit the girl, and if she _had_ witnessed it, she probably would have hit her too.

_“Today, the infamous group of crime-fighting superheroes known as the Umbrella Academy made headlines again, but not for the right reasons. Live footage was broadcasted showing one of the Academy’s members, a boy simply nicknamed ‘Number Five’, attacking a fan after the team had foiled a heist. A warning – this footage may be disturbing to some viewers.”_

_Jump the fence. Grab Five. Kiss._

_Shove. **Crack.**_

_Scream._

Five missed out on two years of them rising into stardom. When he left, they were only a little bit famous, like, around the country. They’d only been public for about two years. But reaching teenagerhood was really when their popularity rose globally, because suddenly magazines, TV shows, and advertising companies all wanted the _teen superheroes_. The spike in media coverage from Five’s disappearance, morbid as it is to say, also made them more well-known.

_“No official statement has been released by the Academy as of yet, leaving many to wonder what the outcome of this situation will be. Number Five, as many fans will know, went missing for two years, and there has been much speculation about his whereabouts during this time, as well as his abrupt, unexplained reappearance in the public eye one month ago. There has been no statement regarding this either. What will happen to the superhero dubbed ‘The Boy’ in the aftermath of today’s event is uncertain at this time.”_

The point, she thinks, is that Five was probably not expecting them to be so famous when he got back. And he certainly wasn’t expecting to have creepy fans, ones who would be so excited about his dramatic return that they would _assault_ him.

Plus, Allison knows Five has a crush on Vanya. They’ve never actually _discussed_ it, but it was always pretty clear to her from observing him. Klaus, too, had made some comments now and again about Five fancying their resident ‘ordinary’ classmate. Honestly, Allison doesn't get it, but whatever. She supposes there aren't exactly many choices in their little school, but still...

So, he likes Vanya. It’s no wonder he wouldn’t want a fan kissing him on live television for the whole world to see.

Allison sneaks a glance at Seven, who is standing slightly behind the rest of them. She has a pained look on her face. Whether it’s sympathy for the girl’s face getting absolutely decimated – Five really did not hold back, that’s for sure – or because she feels for Five in this situation, Allison can’t tell. She doesn’t look jealous… though why would she be? Now, if Five had kissed the girl _back_ instead of immediately destroying her nose _,_ that _would_ be a reason to be jealous, but he certainly didn’t do that.

Argh, Allison has trouble understanding her classmates sometimes. Is Vanya just _always_ nice to Five because they’re friends, or does she have a crush on him too? Vanya is mostly nice to everyone, in a boring sort of way, like she’s afraid of them. Theoretically Number Three could ask the other girl, but she has a feeling Vanya would never tell her anything personal like that… voluntarily at least. _Now there’s an idea…_

It’s all very dramatic. Sometimes Allison’s life really feels like a TV show. She’s glad her own love life is much more straightforward – Luther and her are definitely going to be official soon, she just knows it.

“This is unacceptable,” Reginald’s voice booms out, and Allison tries not to flinch. “It is inconceivable for one of you to be seen losing your cool in the public eye in this way. Number Five, you may have caused irrevocable damage to the Academy’s reputation. And so soon after your return, too, well. My disappointment in your actions is _immeasurable_.”

Five, who is standing slightly in front of Allison in the TV room, appears to be unmoved. “It wasn’t intentional, Sir. I was simply taken by surprise.”

“Well, at the very least, I cannot fault your reflexes!” Reginald snaps, which sounds kind of sarcastic, but Allison doesn’t know if it’s deliberate. “Your judgement, on the other hand, leaves much to be desired – you severely injured a civilian, and the media fallout has been immense. Do you have anything else to say for yourself?”

“She shouldn’t have assaulted me,” Five says, like his hackles are raising. _Oh no_. “If her parents had instilled in her a proper understanding of consent, then she wouldn’t have a broken nose.”

“Indeed, she should not have,” Reginald concedes. “But her misdemeanour does not excuse yours!”

_Time to intervene._

“Sir, if I may,” Allison pipes up, seeing Five start to go red from anger. Sir directs his attention to her, which she then sort of regrets, but she powers through and tries to stand tall. She’s trained for this. Public speaking is no biggie… it’s just Reginald. He’ll listen to her. “I believe that this could actually result in good publicity for the Umbrella Academy, with the right handling of the situation.”

“Do go on,” Reginald sneers, like he is indulging a child’s whims.

“Sexual assault is a crime, Sir, and I imagine any decent adult watching the footage would agree that Five was acting in self-defense,” she says confidently. Vanya and Ben nod encouragingly. “Currently, the media are trying to portray Five as the ‘bad guy’, but, if we do some kind of interview addressing the situation, I strongly believe that we can turn the tide in our favour. We could spin it as a kind of lesson about how to show people respect. If we _all_ stand on Five’s side and support that he was right to react in the way he did, then the media will too.”

“You sound very certain,” Reginald says. “And if you’re wrong?”

“Well, the thing is – morally, we’re _not_ wrong, the girl is, because she kissed him when he didn’t say yes first,” Allison says, looking around. Luther smiles at her and she tries to not get distracted. “So, if we can show the people what really happened, from our perspective, instead of letting the media spin it in a biased way, then surely the Academy will prevail.” She wonders for a second if that was too dramatic, but rejects the thought.

“Very well,” Reginald says after a beat. He sounds – bored. “I will arrange for an interview tomorrow and I expect that your theory is correct, Number Three. Now you may all return to your studies. Dismissed.”

Vanya shoots her a grateful look as they file out, and Allison smiles back. Her teammates _should_ be grateful; without her they would have sat there in meek silence. Even Luther looks relieved that they aren’t receiving punishment, and the back of his hand brushes hers as they leave to go to class. An interview!! Yes! They haven't done one in so long!

There is a little skip in her step as she already starts deciding how she'll do her hair tomorrow for their first interview since Five's return.

A win for the children, indeed. A win for Allison, even more so.


	4. Klaus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus' POV as he eavesdrops on a conversation between Five and Vanya that afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa look, another chapter today! i think this one is boring though but writing 5 and 7's banter makes up for it
> 
> klaus is not one of my favourite characters sorryyy so I know this chapter might be a little weird but i hope it works okay. I mean he is amazing for comic relief but I don't think I'm funny enough to write him well?? Like he's hilarious in the show and then when I try and write him he's just like. annoying. so i hope he's not that bad and that you like it!! sorry if i butchered him!!

Klaus doesn’t _mean_ to eavesdrop that afternoon. He can’t help that his room is right next to Vanya’s with only a thin wall separating them. It _helps_ , of course, that he currently has his ear pushed up against said wall in order to listen in, but that’s only a minor detail.

He’s just curious, that’s all! And could anyone blame him? His life is just, like, so weird, and he’s surrounded by even weirder people and _of course_ he’s gonna eavesdrop on Five and Seven because if he doesn’t he’s _literally_ going to explode from curiosity. It’s been a heck of a long, dull day – except for that absolutely thrilling part in the middle where Five broke a girl’s face on LIVE TELEVISION and then they were all chased to the car by an angry mob, that bit was kinda exciting – so he just needs to wind down with some nice, casual, relaxing eavesdropping.

_“Do you think you’ll be all right?”_

_“Well, I hope so. Not like I have a choice in the matter.”_

_“Right…”_

_“Hey, don’t look so worried. I’ll be fine.”_

_“Yeah, I know. It’s just that it’s the first interview you’ve done since… I wish I could be there with you. That’s all.”_

_“Yeah. But - it’s no big deal, V. I used to do those things all the time; I was a natural. Remember?”_

_“Uh, you didn’t do that many. Like, what, six or seven interviews? Live ones, at least.”_

_“Still more than you’ve done.”_

_“Touché. Plus, I guess you won’t have to do too much talking... I think that footage probably speaks for itself.”_

_“Ah, you were impressed by my flawless right hook?”_

_“Oh, yes, and the expression of absolute unadulterated rage on your face really elevated it to the next level.”_

_“Good to know.”_

_“Actually, you should make that face during the interview. It makes your point well, I’d say.”_

_“What, you don’t think my charming personality and natural articulacy is enough?”_

_“I wouldn’t bank on it—”_

_“Ouch.”_

_“Also. Charming? Who told you that? Because I hate to break it to you…”_

_“Ouch_ again _. You’re breaking my heart, Ven. Tell me, were you always such a smartass, or did I repress the trauma?”_

_“Har har, I think your ego will recover. What did that interviewer call you once? Endearingly blunt?”_

_“You find it endearing.”_

_“Maybe so. But I’d let still let Allison stick to the talking tomorrow if I were you.”_

Klaus moves away from the wall and covers his mouth so as to not shriek. Flirting! They were totally flirting! He _knew_ it, he knew they liked each other before and _obviously_ they still like each other now that Five’s back. He _has_ to tell Allison.

Also who knew his littlest classmate, sweet little Seven, had such bite? She was absolutely keeping up with Five in terms of wit and cleverness. Why doesn’t she show that side of herself around the rest of them? What he’d pay to see Vanya snark Diego…

Klaus dances around his room and laughs to himself, ignoring the old man hanging in the corner who eyes him with reproach.

_“Eavesdropping on people is rude, you know,”_ he wheezes, and Klaus wholeheartedly gives him the finger. The dead guy splutters and looks so offended that Klaus just starts laughing again. Maybe dead people should just stay out of the living’s business, _hmm_? Why couldn't there be any sexy ghosts haunting this boring-ass house?

Ugh. Being sober is hard, yeah. Really hard, especially with jerks like this guy popping up all over the place. Not to mention the little posse of dead nannies that hang out in the kitchen – talk about creepy. Klaus isn’t naming any names, but Reginald _totally_ had them killed to keep quiet and to be honest, he’s still processing how he feels about that. He should probably tell Five, actually. Oh well. He probably won’t forget.

Klaus sits on his bed and looks mournfully at the floorboard where he used to hide the mysterious pills his cool dealer Kyle gave him on sale, the ones that made his eyes water and his legs go completely numb. Those were badass.

He flops down and sighs like a lovelorn teen in an amazingly bad rom-com, pointedly ignoring the irritating old man – who he’s decided to name George Twat – still huffing and puffing from his quaint little noose in the corner; _like I give a shit about your dead-person-problems, **George**. Go into the light or whatever, for the love of God._

Not being high is _hard._

But, to be fair, what makes it a little easier is the fact that he literally cannot do anything without Five immediately jumping on his ass about it. No more drugs hidden around the house, because Five found them all. No more sneaking out to meet with his cool dealer Kyle, because Five somehow knows fucking everything and always catches him.

It’d be sweet, how much he cares, if it weren’t so creepy.

But being sober got easier, the longer it’s been. It’s been a month now and he’s already less twitchy than he used to be. Seems like some of the twitchiness is just Klaus’ natural state, though.

So he hasn’t done anything more serious than the _occasional_ blunt (it helps him sleep when the screaming is too loud and Five lets him have that) since Five came back a month ago. Not to mention his little field trips to the mausoleum have been made significantly more bearable, because Five pops right on in with a little torch and snacks and starts going off on tangents about math or some shit. He’s terrible company, of course, but better than the ghosts for sure.

Klaus, deciding that’s enough introspection for today _thank you very much,_ rolls off the bed, lands on the floor, springs up and does a little jig to cheer himself up a bit.

_Five and Vanya! Flirting! Finally!_

He runs off to find Allison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool Dealer Kyle is my new fave OC


	5. Number Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five's POV as he talks with Vanya that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like everyone lied to me, Utopia isn't even that violent?
> 
> Anyway here's Five's chapter! I think I got carried away with it. I dunno. Are you guys getting sick of reading just like, me writing Five and Vanya having conversations and being cute? because it feels like it do it a lot...? anyway I'm trying to convey the responsibility that five is feeling.
> 
> random question but what name do you guys like for Five? I'm not planning on giving him one in this story but it's fun to speculate. I think he suits some names such as Victor (V for 5, ha) or Dorian (like Dorian Gray), but also more unique ones like Atlas (because... he has the weight of the world on his shoulders...)

Number Five is having a decidedly less-than-great day.

First, there was the mission alarm. And while this isn’t the first mission he’s been on since he came back – far from it, unfortunately – it seems his body, accustomed to the dead silence of the apocalypse, still refuses to get used to the insanely loud noise it makes, so every time it rings, he jumps a foot in the air and gets a headache for like two hours.

Plus they have to wear those stupid black jumpsuits now, which not only take forever to get on, but look dumb as all hell, no matter what Vanya says. He doesn’t like it and he feels stupid in it. He’s counting the days – literally, it’s a habit he picked up in the apocalypse that he can’t stop – until they turn eighteen and can leave this place.

They’d decided, in the end, that the best way to save Ben without raising suspicion would be for Five to just take extra precaution on missions. He’s aware of the date of his death creeping closer, but last time, things were different. Last time, Five wasn’t there. This time, he will be. And then as soon as they turn eighteen, he’s getting them _all_ out. He’s not going to give history a chance to repeat itself – Dad sending Luther alone to the moon, Diego flunking out of the police academy, Allison’s marriage failing, Ben dying, Klaus becoming a homeless drug addict, and of course… Vanya. Five is the only one who can stop it. The apocalypse, well, that was clearly over his head, but what happens to his teammates is _his_ responsibility alone.

Then, the actual mission went fine, of course. Just a simple heist. Easy.

But then that stupid girl had to go and –

He feels like he could have done something worse than break her stupid face. He almost did - with the amount of lethal self-defensive training that he’s been taught, that girl is lucky he didn’t snap her neck on instinct. Now _that_ would have been news-worthy.

Vanya squeezes his hand. They are sitting cross-legged on her bed, facing each other. It’s after dinner, and he’ll have to go, soon, before he can sneak back.

“You okay?” She asks quietly, her beautiful eyes sad, and heavy. He shrugs uncomfortably.

“Yeah, just. Yeah.” He remembers the way the fan had just _grabbed him_ and planted that kiss on his face, and at first he thought she was attacking him, but then he realised. And she wasn’t Vanya, and he shoved her off him and then he – smashed her face in.

As Five looks at Vanya and the way that the lamp behind her makes her glow around the edges, he wonders if he’s a bad person for not being even the slightest bit sorry.

Seven looks at him with a great deal of sympathy. There’s so much love in her eyes that he has to look away so he doesn’t get overwhelmed by it. She says, “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why?”

She fidgets. “That it happened, I don’t know. That she would do something like that.”

At her special brand of ‘apologetic for things she did not do’, he smiles despite himself, dropping his head onto her shoulder, letting her hair fall over him. He hasn’t told her, but he likes doing that, hiding under her hair. It makes him feel safe. He places a kiss on her neck and she squeaks. “Not your fault, V.”

“Still…” she says, twisting her hair around her finger, tugging. “It sucks.”

“I was fine,” he says, sitting up again, almost completely sure that it’s true. It doesn’t _really_ matter – it wasn’t like it was his first kiss, and it was only for a brief moment, so there’s no real reason for him to have reacted so badly. It was irrational, but that’s him.

“I think you’re lying,” Vanya says thoughtfully.

He tries to tease her to cheer her up. He can’t stand seeing her so sad, particularly because of him. “Well, what do you want me to say? You’re a better kisser? Because it was hardly a competition.”

Five realises he has said the wrong thing when her eyes widen. “I’m--”

“I worded that poorly,” he says in a rush. “I meant that whatever she thought _that_ was obviously couldn’t compare to—”

Her mouth quirks up. “Five, it’s okay—”

“Ah,” he says, upset. “I mean – compared to her – no, I mean objectively, well, I—”

“Five,” Vanya says, her voice holding back laughter. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” he says, internally screaming.

“I know what you meant,” she assures him, and he breathes again. Was he always such a catastrophizer? Who knows. He _was_ raised by the most paranoid doomsday-prepper on the planet. “Relax.”

“I am relaxed,” he lies, sullen.

“Mm. Is it okay if I kiss you?” She asks, looking at him closely. She likes to ask, and it’s cute, but he’s never going to say no to her.

“Yes,” he says, exhausted of being himself. She kisses him, once, and he feels a little better. He leans their faces together, cheek-to-cheek, and just breathes, until he manages to pull away. She always looks a _little_ shy, like she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

They look at each other happily for a few moments, until: “I obviously know I’m a better kisser than her, by the way,” Vanya says with heat. “Anyone on Earth would be a better kisser than her. Who the hell just runs up to a stranger and does that? Creepy.”

He lets a sneer slide onto his face. “I don’t think she’ll be kissing anyone again for a while.”

“Good,” Vanya mutters darkly, and she sounds so much like, well, _him,_ that he barks out a laugh. Vanya, who wouldn’t hurt an ant, being so pleased about him punching that girl – maybe she has a vengeful streak.

He thinks that over the past month – two years – Vanya has changed. She’s a lot bolder than she used to be – he has to keep reminding himself that they are _not_ thirteen years old anymore, and that she is a teenager, but. She’s still different. And, he thinks, he likes her _even_ more, as if that could be possible. She laughs more readily than she did three months ago, she makes more jokes and snarks back at him more often which he _adores_ , and she’s just – everything.

She’s taller than she used to be too, which annoyed him at first because he’d always imagined her having to stand adorably on her tip-toes to kiss him, an embarrassing dream which sadly did not come true. But then he discovered yesterday that he’d already gained half-an-inch from having proper nutrition. So hah. He’s taller that her, now, even if it’s just by a bit. (She had been _slightly_ miffed by how sanctimonious he’d been about the whole height thing.)

He leans forward again, onto her shoulder. It might be one of his favourite things to do. Vanya is his favourite thing in the universe.

It is unfair, that he can’t tell the world about the two of them. He would love nothing more than to go find that stupid girl in the hospital she’s crawled to – it’s the hospital on Adeline Avenue, and don’t ask him how he knows that – and French-kiss Vanya right in front of her.

But nothing's ever fair.

It's just until they're eighteen, and then -

“Vanya,” he says against her neck – she shivers – “I wish you’d been there, so you could have punched that witch yourself.”

“I can’t throw a punch?” Vanya says amusedly, like a question.

“I can teach you,” he suggests, and she smiles against his hair.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. You teach me how to throw a punch, and I’ll teach you…” she hums, the sound soothing him as she tries to think of something. “I don’t know. Some violin?”

Five pulls a face that she can’t see. He doesn’t think he’ll ever have the patience for learning an instrument. “I think I’ll leave the violin to you.”

“That’s okay.” She moves to place a little gentle kiss on the tip of his ear. “I’ll think of something.”

She puts her arms around him lightly and he hides under her hair for a little while, feeling her breath tickle his ear. They breathe together - he can feel her heartbeat.

Eventually, though, he pulls away and sighs, stretches his neck. He feels so tired. Vanya watches him with a smile.

He places both hands on either side of her soft face – always light enough that she can pull away if she wants – and kisses her mouth decisively, quickly, like a cartoony _mwah!_ “There. Her _kiss_ has been erased and now I am getting over the whole thing.” Then he stands up from the bed. “I’m going to go break her legs.”

“Five, no,” Vanya laughs. “That’s not getting _over_ it. That’s kinda the opposite?”

“I will be over it when she has two broken legs,” he declares.

“Five,” she snorts, hand raising to splay over her mouth, and it makes him smile. “No!”

“You can come?” He offers, raising an eyebrow facetiously. Vanya hesitates, and he’s not even sure if she’s doing it for comedic effect or if she’s actually considering it. When it’s a full three seconds of waiting, he says incredulously, “Ven, I _was_ kidding about going to break her legs.”

“Oh, good,” she says.

“Yeah, I’ll save it for the interview tomorrow,” he says wickedly, just to hear her giggle again.


	6. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's perspective during the next day, as the Umbrella Academy wait for their live interview to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the funnier chapters in my opinion, i just really like it. Ben's so... oblivious? Like he really is just vibing
> 
> Also chapter seven is turning out to be quite long, is that okay? I don't know if I should cut it in half or what. I guess it doesn't really matter if it's too long...
> 
> Also I should've said this before but THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS!!! Every time I get a comment from one of you lovely people I read it over and over and squeal with delight. You're so nice. Thanks so much!!!!!! I appreciate the love this series has been getting and I'm just really happy you guys are enjoying it.

The next day, after the whole punching debacle, Ben tugs at his collar, feeling sweaty under the heat of the bright studio lights. He’s always despised these interviews they have to do. He hates the questions, and the looks, and he is unabashedly jealous of Vanya, who gets to stay home.

The others think that the interviews are fun. They get to be famous, show off on TV, answer some easy questions. But Ben’s not like them.

He’s not _like_ Allison or Diego, who have invisible, tidy powers that don’t bother anyone. The only people who comes close to understanding how he feels are Klaus, who hates his power, and Luther, because he used to break a _lot_ of stuff. But even super strength can be used in a non-destructive way. Luther can lift rubble to save civilians – but the Horror _just_ kills. It just destroys and tears and smashes and kills. It can’t be turned into a side-show act or demonstrated on TV, and all the interviewers seem scared to ask him about it, so he sits there in silence, watching his teammates show off and preen, and tries not to throw up.

So the interviews are Ben’s idea of a nightmare. _But…_ It’s only a fifteen-minute segment, he reminds himself. Just fifteen minutes, then home. Read his book, listen to Vanya’s violin playing, hang out with Diego, dinner, sleep. Just fifteen minutes.

Next to him on the interview couch is Five, who is busy death-glaring at the make-up artist who has the unfortunate task of doing his hair. He bares his teeth. The woman twitches, laughing nervously, and keeps sending anxious glances at the producer who gives her a look like ‘ _what the hell do you want me to do?’_ Five, on the other hand, looks very pleased with himself when she eventually scurries off, leaning back and crossing his arms.

Five’s return had been a bit of a shock, at first, but not an unwelcome one. Things had been quiet without his loud, sardonic temperament, leaving the others to try and fill the missing hole in their little team, which hadn’t worked all that well. Having him back with them on missions was like finally finding a lost puzzle piece and completing a puzzle that had been sadly unfinished for years.

That being said… he’s still _Five._

“Can you behave like a normal person for _one_ day?” Ben begs him under his breath.

Five lets out a loud, surprised laugh. He’s the only one of them who ever suited the dumb furrowed-brow domino mask look, and it still fits him frighteningly well. “Hah, that’s a good one, Number Six. No, I can’t. Next question.” Sarcasm practically drips from his words.

“Good lord,” Ben mutters, running a hand over his face. The stupid mask hurts his nose. He can’t wait for this to be over.

“Let’s all go to Griddy’s after this,” Five says suddenly, his tone shifting. “Tonight.”

“Little late notice, don’t you think?” Ben says nervously. Normally they have to plan their ‘outings’ weeks in advance.

“I’m bored,” Five says, obviously lying. “We haven’t done anything fun since I’ve been back, and being stuck in that house again is already driving me insane.”

Ben sighs. He doesn’t know why Five even bothers with the front anymore. “Let me guess – Vanya looked sad today because she feels left out of the interview, even though she didn’t say it because she’s too nice,” Ben says distractedly, making sure Reginald’s not listening. “So, you want to do something to cheer her up, but you’re too stubborn to admit it. So, you have to use a bad excuse just in case, God forbid, anyone finds out you have a heart.”

Five, looking like a bear in a trap, clears his throat and shrugs his shoulders in that funny way of his. “For the sake of my dignity I’m going to deny that.”

“Right,” Ben says, not _really_ caring. He just wants this whole interview thing to be over with, and he doesn’t really want to go to Griddy’s. What if they get caught? It’s too risky, especially after the whole ‘Five punching a girl on TV’ fiasco already thoroughly infuriated Sir. “Well, why don’t you just ask Vanya?”

“Just Vanya,” Five repeats flatly.

“Yeah, why not?” Ben sees one of the cameramen signal something to the host, who starts to walk over to the desk. Oh, man, it’s starting soon. He feels the Horror squirm uncomfortably – or maybe that’s just nerves. “I’m sure she’d want to go with you. And, come on. You’re going to have to ask her out sometime.”

“I… what?” Five says, uncharacteristically speechless. “No, I… don’t.”

“Dude, everyone sees the way you look at her. Like she hung the moon.” He tactfully doesn’t reveal that he knows for a _fact_ that Five doesn’t sleep in his own bed anymore.

“No I – I don’t,” Five splutters, once again. “I do _not_.”

“Yeah you do,” Ben says. “You really do. It’s painful to watch at this point.”

Klaus, on Five’s other side, leans over excitedly with a gasp. “What’s _this_ I’m hearing? Five’s finally asking out Seven?” He presses a hand to his heart. “Our little Fivey… all grown up…”

Five slouches lower in his seat, an incredible feat for someone already with the worst posture in the entire world. “I will rip your tongue out and feed it to you.”

“Charming,” Klaus says cheerfully.

“Just ask her, man,” Ben says, in what he hopes is an encouraging way and not an impatient one. He’s so sweaty. Why is this place so _hot_? “I think she probably likes you back.”

“You - _probably_?” His teammate sputters, sounding affronted and slightly outraged. Why’s he so mad? Ben stares at the camera they are wheeling out onto the set. _God._ He wants to go home. "You thinks she _probably_ likes me?"

“Yeah,” Ben says absently. “I think so anyway.”

“I _know_ so,” Klaus declares, earning what would have been a scathing look if they could see Five’s actual eyes. “Just go for it, little man. Shoot your shot. We believe in you.”

“I hate you both,” Five grouses, as the camera man starts doing a countdown and Ben starts to feel so stressed he might pass out from nerves. Ben doesn't think he really means it. “So, so much.”

“ _And – we’re live_!”


	7. Vanya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya's POV that afternoon :>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter everyone, hope you like it! Thank you so much for all the love!

Vanya resists the urge to bounce anxiously on her toes as Pogo goes through the laborious task of switching on the ancient television in their attic. She’s thankful for him for doing this, she really is, but – she wishes she could just _be_ there. Instead of being stuck watching it on the hazy screen, secretly, so Reginald doesn’t find out.

“There we are,” the chimp says, sounding pleased when the machine crackles to life.

She doubles-checks the program guide that she cut out of the newspaper for the channel and hurriedly turns the knobs of the TV, forgetting to thank Pogo in her rush. She’s already missed the start because she had to find Pogo, then beg Pogo, then wait for Pogo to get the ladder, and overall, she is just very aware of the time. How much as she missed? About five minutes, so probably the parts where they showed the news footage and Allison did her practiced speech about consent has already happened.

Finally, she reaches the right channel, and the first thing she sees is a staticky, fuzzy close-up of Five’s face.

She yelps, falling back onto her bum on the dusty hardwood floor. She resolves not to look at Pogo, who is definitely laughing at her. On the screen, Five smirks beneath the mask. She is transfixed, but then the camera cuts to the host.

_“I see. So this was all a big… misunderstanding?”_ His voice is patronizing.

Five seems to think the same. He cocks his head, eyes cold. _“That’s one word for it.”_

_“Have you heard anything from the injured fan?”_

Five scoffs at the word ‘injured.’ _“No.”_

_“Have you considered reaching out?”_

_“Why should I?”_

_“To… apologise?”_

_“No. I’m not sorry. I was acting in self-defense.”_

The host looks taken aback, sending panicked looks offscreen. Clearly this isn’t going how he expected. _“But you broke her nose.”_

_“She kissed me,”_ Five says, like he’s talking to a small idiotic child, _“without my consent. She should be counting her lucky stars that the_ only _thing broken is her nose.”_ He smirks at that, and although she agrees, Vanya wants to face-palm. He’s going to get in so much trouble with Reginald.

_“Yeah,”_ Klaus says, definitely out of turn. The camera swerves to capture his show of support. _“Fivey is right. Don’t kiss strangers randomly, it’s creepy!”_ He waggles a finger at the camera. His attitude fluctuates between dead-serious and taking the piss out of it. Next to him, Allison gives a big smile that almost looks normal.

_“Right,”_ the host titters, sweating. He tugs at his collar, shuffling through his notes manically. Five slouches back, looking bored. The camera shows Ben on the seat next to him, head in his hands, looking so stressed he might have a heart attack. _“So… uh, is there anything you_ would _like to say to that fan, if she’s watching?”_

The Five on the screen smiles with his teeth – uh oh. _“Yes.”_ He leans forward and looks at the camera suddenly, elbows on his knees, literally grinning maniacally. Vanya finds her own face smiling in response, even though he can’t see. God, she loves him. He’s so ridiculous. _“If you’re out there, Cassandra Bandle, if there’s a television in your room at the hospital on Adeline Avenue - listen to me very carefully. Be ashamed. Be afraid.”_ The host makes a ‘cutting off’ motion desperately as Five talks. Vanya covers her mouth. _“Have you learnt your lesson?”_

He looks darkly pleased, waiting, eyes boring right into the camera.

As if on cue, the live feed cuts back to a ‘stand by’ screen as the television station shuts down the broadcast.

“Oh, dear,” Pogo says, and Vanya hears him sigh. But she can’t help it – she laughs.

“He just – the host – he looked so--” Vanya cackles. Pogo looks mildly disapproving, so she sobers. “I wonder how he found out her name. And where she is.” Well, this _is_ Five. Pogo, too, looks disappointed but not surprised in the least. At least Five made his point.

Later that day, after a silent, awkward lunch and boring lessons, the Umbrella Academy come tumbling through the door and the mansion comes to life once again. Vanya is waiting in the foyer. They all look tired after a day of press, with Luther’s jaw set in a relieved but anxious way, and Allison seems to glow from the attention she no doubt has been basking in. Ben, on the other hand, looks dead on his feet.

They greet Vanya distractedly as they always do, and Klaus sends her a wink that she doesn’t understand. Five kicks the back of his heel to make Klaus get out of the way, and the other boy scurries off, laughing. Ben follows quietly, looking at the floor and lost in his head, one hand over his stomach. She’ll go see if he’s okay later.

When the others have dissipated, Vanya offers Five a small smile, finding comfort in the familiar annoyance in his expression that melts away when he looks at her. Maybe that is her superpower – taming Number Five. “Hi,” she says shyly.

“I got you a souvenir,” Five says without preamble, handing her something and waiting to see if she likes it. She tears her eyes away from his face to examine the object in her hands.

“Five.”

“Vanya.”

She holds it up. “What is this?”

He grins. “A polaroid camera. I stole it from backstage.”

Upon a closer look, Vanya sees that it _is_ rather like a small, handheld camera. How modern! How special. She’ll have to find a place to hide it – a surge of excitement, then worry, goes through her. “You shouldn’t steal things for me. What if you get caught?”

He gives her an unimpressed look and doesn’t have to say anything. She sighs, shakes her head, holding in a smile.

“ _Thank you_ , Five,” she says warmly, pretending to be exasperated though they both know it’s a ruse, and he smiles, rocking back on his feet and shrugging.

“You’re welcome.”

They know better than to kiss in the foyer, or anywhere there are still cameras - which is everywhere except the bathrooms and bedrooms. But she laughs at how impatient he clearly is, as he tugs her by the wrist and leads her up the many stairs to his room. It’s more spacious than her own, and secluded too. She likes being in Five’s room – she missed it, when he was gone. She asks him, “How was it?”

“It was… bearable,” he answers shortly, lip curling. “Did you convince Pogo to let you watch?”

“Yeah, but I missed the start,” she says.

He shrugs. “Nothing particularly interesting happened.”

“I don’t know, I thought the ending was pretty dramatic.”

He moves his head to the side, smirking. “Oh, you did?”

“I did,” she laughs. “You’re going to be in so much trouble.”

“Worth it,” he says. They reach the blue room, and he closes the door, and takes her by the waist and kisses her firmly on the mouth. She smiles, and he pulls back, already looking far more relaxed than he was before. _Impatient, always,_ she thinks fondly. He says, “Sorry.” But he doesn’t look particularly sorry. He looks pretty smug actually.

She kisses him again, more forcefully, trying to see if she can wipe that look off his face. This time it’s Five who makes a noise of surprise, when she leans in further, one hand wrapped in his lapel and the other curled in his hair. His mouth is cold – it must be chilly outside – and his grip on her waist tightens, arm sliding around her back. When she bites gently on his bottom lip, he inhales sharply, pressing closer, hungry, warming.

After a few moments, Vanya lets Five go and steps back, looking at him appraisingly. His lips parted, eyes wide, hair mussed, cheeks flushed – he grins, and looks somewhat proud of her. “Miss me today, hm?”

“Hardly,” she says, and can’t help but smile at her bold-faced lie.

He steps closer, right into her personal space – but that is something she is very willing to share with Five. He examines her with pleasure, eyes flicking from her mouth to her eyes, and – is he _taller_ now? _Damnit._ “Shame.” He shakes his head slowly, a lazy smile still playing on his lips. His cold green eyes sparkle. “And here I was, _overcome_ with longing.”

He’s being sarcastic, but only just. Vanya feels a blush creep up her neck, and his eyes track the movement, thrilled.

And then _someone_ knocks on the door loudly, totally ruining the moment.

“Five?” Diego’s voice calls irritably. “You in there, or what?” Vanya doesn’t know why he could possibly be irritated – he’s the one knocking rudely on someone else’s door and interrupting a _moment._ She hates living here, she really does.

Five growls, glaring at the door with such intensity that Vanya assumes Diego can feel it through the wood. She sighs and makes her way to sit down on the bed, and Five crosses his arms. He calls out, “ _What_.”

“Yeah, whatever. Look, can I come in?” Diego is shuffling around and sounds like he’d rather do anything else.

Five glances at Vanya, who raises her hands helplessly. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, looking adorably annoyed. “I _dare_ you to try it and see what happens, Number Two.”

A hesitation. Vanya raises her eyebrows at Five. Usually, Diego would take that as a personal challenge and immediately barge in. “Uh… okay. So, I just w-wh- _wanted_ to apologise for yesterday.” Oh, stuttering. Unusual, these day… she frowns. What does he have to be sorry for?

Five looks like he’s two seconds away from blinking into the hallway and pushing Diego down the stairs. “Oh, wonderful. Please make it quick.”

“…That was it,” Diego says, sounding unsure. “I just did it.”

Vanya smiles and Five actually laughs. “Wow, straight from the heart, I see.”

An audible groan. “I’m _sorry,_ okay?” Diego says. “I shouldn’t have said that stuff, I was just mad. Saying we didn’t miss you and shit – it wasn’t true. And it was uncalled for, even if you _are_ still a douchebag. Happy, asshole?” Ah. They had a fight.

“Absolutely elated,” Five says. Then he releases a breath, and very reluctantly – “I accept your apology.”

Vanya blinks in amazement and he makes a face at her for being so shocked. She sticks her tongue out and Diego says, “Oh.”

“Everything _I_ said is still true, though,” Five adds, and from outside Diego barks out a laugh.

“God, you are such a dick.”

“Yeah. Now go away.”

Diego is still laughing as he stomps down the stairs, and Five even looks kind of appeased.

He sits beside her on his bed and leans back on his elbows, looking at her with a frown. “Don’t look so shocked. Sometimes, I can be nice to people that aren’t you.”

“I don’t believe it.” She smiles and shakes her head. “What have you done with the real Five?”

He rolls his eyes. “The universe requires balance, Vanya. I have to counter the sheer amount of goodness that you exude.”

“So if I start spitting in people’s food, will you start being nicer to Luther?”

“I would do anything,” Five says, laughing, his nose scrunching up, “ _anything_ , to see you spit in someone’s food.”

Vanya laughs, and lays down to rest her head on Five’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. He sighs and drops his head back in defeat, one hand drifting up to comb through her hair. They just lay there for a long time and talk. They’re meant to be doing homework – French – but they’ll do it later that night, in a rush, Vanya giggling while Five pronounces all the words wrong in a magnificently terrible impression of Reginald, illuminated under the blanket by only the light of a single torch.

But during this moment, down the stairs and in the hallway to the right, in the seventeenth bedroom of the Hargreeves mansion, Allison, Klaus and a reluctant Ben are busily hatching the beginnings of a plan.

Out the front door, along the street to the left, and down the sixth lane turning into Adeline Avenue, a terrified girl with a broken nose cowers in her hospital bed. And all is right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!!
> 
> The next fic in the series will focus on Klaus, Allison and Ben scheming to get Five and Vanya together, unaware that it's already happened. It's really funny and cute so far! The one after that will definitely be the Fiveya date at Griddy's.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed this journey, and thanks again for reading and commenting!! :D


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